Vacation season is upon me! Next week, I’ll be packing my bags, turning on my out-of-office reply, and testing just how passive my “passive” investment portfolio really is. Spoiler alert: last year didn’t go so well. Here’s hoping for better results this time around.

A Quick Look Back: The Great NURP Debacle

Last year’s vacation was supposed to be all about sandy beaches, family bonding, and margaritas by the pool. Instead, it turned into a week-long episode of “When Bots Go Bad.” My NURP bots—bless their little algorithmic hearts—decided to serve up a platter of unfortunate news.

I learned a tough lesson: not all “set-it-and-forget-it” investments are worthy of the name. Turns out, some of them are more like “set-it-and-regret-it.” Those experiences still shape my decisions today, especially when it comes to being more selective about who (or what) I let babysit my money.

What’s in the Portfolio This Year?

This time around, I’ve curated a vacation-friendly lineup of investments that, hopefully, won’t ruin my sunny vibes. Here’s what I’m holding as I prepare to step away:

1. EFX Octane Bot

This bot has earned its spot as the responsible adult in my portfolio. It doesn’t chase wild “martingale” dreams or throw tantrums when the market gets moody. It just minds my money like a pro. If bots had resumes, this one would list “consistently not terrible” as a top skill.

2. NURP Odyssey Bot

After last year’s NURP drama, you’d think I’d steer clear. But this time, I’m giving NURP another shot—mainly because the Odyssey bot is tied to a US-based broker, which feels safer. Thanks to my existing NURP membership, I didn’t have to shell out for a brand-new bot. I’m just paying the monthly fee. The lower leverage requirements make this bot feel less like a gamble and more like a cautious first date. Fingers crossed it doesn’t ghost me while I’m away.

3. Crypto: Liquidity Pools Edition

Ah, crypto—where the stakes are high, and the drama is higher. This year, I’ve kept things tame. I’ve got multiple pairs in liquidity pools, but none of them seem poised to pull a “crypto soap opera” while I’m gone. Even if something unexpected happens, I’ve limited my exposure, so no disasters should be waiting for me when I log back in. Ethereum, you stay in your lane this week, okay?

4. Futures: Still in Beta

I’ve been testing a futures strategy in simulation mode since before Christmas. It’s like Monopoly money but for grown-ups. The final product hasn’t launched yet, so while I’m on vacation, I won’t make any fake money. I’m not sure if that’s a win, but it definitely means less to worry about.

The Real Challenge: Ignoring the Bots

As much as I’d like to keep refreshing my portfolio stats, my wife has made it clear: vacation mode means attentive husband mode. No sneaky bot updates. No “just checking real quick” excuses.

So, while my brain will undoubtedly be itching for an Odyssey bot status report, I’ll be doing my best to stay present—with my family, not my investments. If my bots can survive without me for a week, maybe I’ll finally be able to call them truly passive.

Here’s to a vacation filled with relaxation, good vibes, and (hopefully) no bot-induced panic attacks. Wish me luck!